


Ask the Oracle

by raskin



Category: Atlantis (UK TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, M/M, Relationship Advice, Requited Love, Screw Destiny, Spoof, Talk Shows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-13
Packaged: 2018-01-19 06:19:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1459105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raskin/pseuds/raskin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason calls into the 'Ask the Oracle' radio program to ask for advice.  Should he risk telling his housemate and best friend that he has feelings for him?  Can she see their future?</p>
<p>But what if he doesn't like what she has to say?</p>
<p>[Sort of spoofing 'Sleepless in Seattle' and the tv series 'Frasier']</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ask the Oracle

“Welcome back to ‘Ask the Oracle,’ live on the air on Radio Atlantis. Melas, do we have a caller?”

“Indeed we do, Oracle. ‘James’ is a young man with a problem of the heart.”

“Very good. James, are you there?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“We’re on the air. Please tell us why you’re calling Ask the Oracle tonight.”

“Thank you for taking my call. Long-time listener, first time caller and all that.”

“Now, James, that’s not really true, is it? In fact, you only started listening to the program a little while ago, correct?”

“Oh. Well. I mean, yes, but I’ve been tuning in ever since arriving in Atlantis, which was, as you say, only a little while ago.”

“Yes, _that_ is true.”

“Wait, how did you know that I — ? Oh. Never mind. Silly question.”

“That’s perfectly all right, James. So you say that you’re new to Atlantis. Tell us, how do you like living here?”

“It’s great! I feel like I’m finally home. I never really fit in where I come from, never felt like it was quite right… It’s hard to explain, but.”

“I understand. Let me say on behalf of all of Atlantis, you are truly welcome.”

“Well, that’s… Thank you.”

“You will do great things here, I’m quite sure.”

“….”

“James? James, are you still here?”

“Er, yes, still here. It’s just a little much, hearing you say that. You are the Oracle, after all.”

“Sometimes callers do get overwhelmed by what they hear, James. Are you sure you want to continue?”

“Yes! Yes, of course. I need your help, don’t I.”

“Very well, why don’t we talk about why you’re calling tonight?”

“Right. OK. I do have a problem that I hope you can help with. It’s just that I don’t know what to do. It’s all so confusing, and what if I’m completely wrong about things? I don’t want to –”

“James. _James._ Start at the beginning, dear, there’s a good boy.”

“Yes, ma’am. Here goes. The first person I met when I landed in Atlantis was a guy named, uhm, ‘Pete.’ He saved my life twice that very first day, and loads of times since. Not only that, he took me in when I had nowhere else to go.”

“That’s fascinating. He has become a good friend, then?”

“The best. He’s great. He’s wonderful, really.”

“But there’s a problem now?”

“Yes. Maybe. You see, I’m afraid I may have fallen a little bit in love with him.”

" _May have?_ You’re not sure?”

“Hmmm… I _feel_ sure, I suppose. I think about him all of the time, and whenever we’re apart, I just want to get home to be with him.”

“Can you tell us what it is you like about him?”

“Oh, what _don’t_ I like? He’s kind, he’s funny, he’s brave. And his brain is off the charts.”

“Is that all?”

“… No.”

“What else, James? You can tell us.”

“He’s also really… He’s so very… I like his looks.”

“You’re physically attracted to him, then.”

“Er, you could say that, yes. So very attracted to him…”

“Is there anything specific that draws you to him, physically?”

“It might be his eyes. They’re a nice shade of blue, and quite expressive. They always tell what he’s feeling. They’re nice. I like them a lot.”

“Very good. Anything else?”

“Uhm, he’s got rather nice hair. Light blond curls, sort of sticking out all over the place. It looks to be quite soft.”

“I see. Then –”

“OH! And his skin. It’s just so very smooth. It just begs to be –”

“Yes, thank you, dear! That’s enough for now. I’m sure it’s apparent to all of us that you do find him physically attractive. And you are fond of him for his other qualities as well. Does he know how you feel?”

“Uh,... I don’t know.”

“Have you never told him?”

“Told him? No, of course not!”

“Why is that?”

“Well, it’s not simple, is it? We’re best mates _and_ we live together. It’s one thing if he doesn’t feel the same about me. I mean, I could live with that. But what if it makes him uncomfortable, knowing how I feel about him? Or what if he is unable to trust me living with him? Or, worse yet, what if he find the whole thing disgusting?”

“James, take a deep breath… There, that’s better, isn’t it?”

“Yes. I’m OK now.”

“Good. So, in summary, you have feelings for your best friend, you’re not sure how he feels about you, and you’re afraid of risking the relationship you have now for a more intimate relationship in the future?”

“That’s it in a nutshell, yes.”

“You could, of course, continue on as you are, maintaining your friendship without pressing for anything more.”

“I suppose so, yes... That’s what you advise? I guess I can live with that, if you think –”

“James, listen to me. Obviously, you are _not_ content with the way things are, or you wouldn’t have called me tonight. Isn’t that right, my dear?”

“…”

“James?”

“Yes. I’m still here. Listen, can’t you just tell me if we’re destined to be together or not? You are the Oracle, after all. Please just tell me, I’m begging you.”

“Now, James. It's not that simple.”

“Are you saying you _don’t_ know? Why did I even call in? This was a mistake.” 

“James, calm down. Calm down. I can help you. I _will_ help you. The question is, are you willing to trust me?”

“…”

“James?”

“Yes. All right. Yes, I trust you. I’m sorry. Please help me in the way you think is best.”

“Good boy. Maybe now is a good time to take a commercial break. When we come back, Atlanteans, we’ll be taking your calls. What do _you_ think James should do? All right. Melas, if you would.”

“Thank you, Oracle. Listeners of Atlantis, if you have some of your own advice for James, call us at 30-555-28579. For now, let’s hear a message from our sponsors…”

...

“We’re back with ‘Ask the Oracle.’ Let us know what you think James should do.”

“Thank you, Melas. Do we have any callers?”

“Indeed we do, Oracle.”

“Wonderful. First caller, please go ahead.”

“Hello. Thanks for taking my call. I would like to tell James that if he wants help winning the heart of Pete, then he can stop by Elias’s booth on the Dromos Athena and select one of several charms, very reasonably priced. For examp—”

“Oh, my apologies, Oracle. It seems we lost the connection with the last caller. But we do have the another person ready to go.”

“Thank you _very_ much, Melas. Next caller? Please tell us what you think.”

“I think it’s a load of crap!”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, you can tell James to keep his hands to himself. Pete doesn’t need some cute little foreigner coming in and breaking his heart. They should just stay friends.”

“And pray tell, how do you know James is ‘cute,’ as you say?”

“… Uhm, I can just tell. From his voice. So, anyway, Pete was doing _just_ fine before James showed up, and now--

“Forgive me for cutting you short, dear caller, but it is apparent to me, and no doubt to all of our listeners, that you have some issues that we might address in a separate program. I suggest you call in tomorrow at the beginning of the show, we will address your very personal concerns at that time. Be well.”

“But… Hold on, now—”

“Melas, we have time for one more caller, do we not?”

“Indeed we do. Please go ahead, young lady. You’re on the air.”

“Oh. Uhm, hello. I guess I just wanted to say to James that he should follow his heart. That is all. Thank you.”

“Hello? Hello? Well, yes, that was to the point, wasn’t it?” 

“And that, dear Oracle, takes us to our next commercial break.”

“Thank you, Melas. When we return, I will be speaking with James one last time.”

“As you wish, Oracle.”

…

“And we’re back for our final segment. Over to you, Oracle.”

“Very good, Melas. James, are you there?”

“Uh, yeah, still here.”

“Excellent. Were you listening to the callers from the listening audience?” 

“Yeah, I was.”

“Two of them had interesting viewpoints. One was that you should leave your friend alone, lest you break his heart. How did that make you feel?”

“A little angry, to be honest. Why would I do anything to hurt P-- Pete?”

“Perhaps the take-away is that you are not the only one with something to risk.”

“Yeah, I guess…”

“Now, the young woman, the last caller, told you to follow your heart. Did that speak to you?”

“It’s scary, isn’t it. I just don’t know…”

“Yes, I’m sure we can all appreciate that. Not knowing is frightening.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Now, James, you wanted my advice. And there is one thing we need to talk about. There’s something you haven’t told me, isn’t there?”

“I don’t think so, nothing important…”

“Isn’t there also a girl in your life?”

“… You mean the prin-- I mean, yes, I have become close to someone, but…”

“Have you sensed that there is a particular bond between you two?”

“Well, yes, now that you mention it…”

“If I may ask, do you find yourself attracted to her?”

“Uh, I don’t know. I mean, she’s lovely. But…”

“Sometimes, James, we don’t recognize our destiny right away. I think you need to take some time to consider the –”

“Hey! I wasn’t calling about –”

“Because, James, the heart may change, but a destiny is fixed.”

“Wait, how do I know that _he_ is not my destiny?”

“Well, I am the Oracle, after all, and –”

“That’s ridiculous! This is my life, and –”

“You have a role to play, and many lives will be impacted by your actions, so you must –”

“Don’t I deserve to be happy? Doesn’t it matter what _I_ want?”

“Now, James, -”

“Ehem, Madam Oracle, may I interrupt?”

“What is it, Melas?”

“We have another caller. He’s quite insistent.”

“Fine. Put him through.”

“Go ahead, young man. You’re on the air.”

“Yes, yes. Uhm, I need to send a message to James. I’m in a situation similar to his, head over heels in love with my housemate and best mate. And I could only hope to hear him say that he wanted to be more than just friends. James? Don’t be afraid. You've got to tell him!”

“Oh, sweet Aphrodite! Is this… _Pete?_ Is that you?”

“…”

“Hello? ... Melas, have we lost them?”

“I don’t believe so, Ora—”

“Wait, I hear something... Can you make it out?”

_“Pythagoras! I can’t believe this!”_

_“Jason… You little fool. Why didn't you tell me?”_

_“I didn't have the balls. So, do you... I mean, are we-?”_

_“Come here, you.”_

_“First, we need to hang up the damn phones.”_

_“And turn off the radio.”_


End file.
